today i went to fuel with my friend carrie. it's a youth ministry group. it was completely overwhelming. it got me to thinking about religion (of course). i've been meaning to get more into it, but i realized tonight that religion is more than a casual hobby. people who call themselves christians really believe in it. and i don't know how much i believe in it.

i mean, i can't ever see myself not believing in evolution. and i've done some things in my past that could be considered sins, that i'm just not willing to repent for. i'm not ashamed of who i am. i'm not ashamed of the things i do. and i just feel like in order to join any religion that i really have to leave that shit behind.

it was amazing seeing the people tonight talk, and hearing how devoted they are. it feels like they just left their old lives, and totally started devoting everything about them to god. it just seems weird to me.

for me, even though i consider myself somewhat catholic, i still believe some parts of me are for me, and are kept separate from religion or god.

it got me to wondering whether it was a sign of strength or weakness to give everything up to something that might not exist.

i don't really know how i feel about this yet. i'm gonna go back next week, and probably for a few weeks until i figure it out. i mean, i think it would be really beautiful to believe in something as whole-heartedly as these people do. but i just don't know if i want to sacrifice who i am now for it.

anyways.

this weekend was great. it was beautiful out. i went around uptown normal with my friends. we went to this cafe, the garlic press. it was so... cozy. in uptown normal there are three coffee shops, the coffee hound, the coffeehouse and the garlic press. i've been to all three, and i'd like to say the garlic press is now my favorite. it's got that home-y feel to it, while still being kind of... modern, i guess. the coffee hound is too pretentious, and the coffeehouse is so indie, it almost sacrifices its quality.

we also went to a used book store, babbitt's books. i bought a neil simon play there, "chapter two". i don't know why, but i've been buying plays like crazy lately. i haven't even cracked most of them open.

today i woke up, went to a recital with the aforementioned carrie. afterwards, we stayed out on the quad for a couple of hours. it was freaking beautiful out.

then we went to fuel, like i said.

lately i have started to knit again. it's the weather, i think. although, i guess it doesn't help that i'm trying to knit lace scarves (they have holes in them). also, i've been playing a lot of checkers lately. i played against carrie and beat her several times. then i played with my friend brittany, and she annihilated me. that game took maybe forty five minutes. freakin intense.

OH. also i returned a couple of library books today. they were due september 19th. the library from which i borrowed is right across the street. like, literally i can see into it from its windows from my window.

why did i not capitalize anything in this post?

oh well, i guess it's too late now. HA.